Classic car mechanic – faster please

‘In the corner of the workshop, Olli Ragbin sits watching events unfold before him’

I’ve promised myself (and the bank manager) to stop spending money on cars and motorbikes. I’m celebrating this commitment by sending my own classic off for some minor tweakery. Think of it more like taking the dog to the groomers. Less like Vet bills, more like a manicure. Anyway, it’s all part of the logistical master plan to be able to take my teenager’s car over to the workshop for sorting prior to MOT.

His car needs the back-box welding back on after he had removed it himself and unleashed a mountain of tutting from everyone over 40 within a 2-mile radius of the pizza shop he delivery-drives for.

Want your Pizza presented to you with an accompaniment of a small squadron of Spitfires? Hurry, you’ve got 2 weeks left before deafening silence comes with your pepperoni.

That was part ‘b’ of my cunning plan. Part ‘a’ was the initial drop-off. I just needed to find a way back to Chez Olli once the classic was delivered. Cue the motorbike which Eric and I share. The sun was shining, and opportunity was a knockin’. I’ll take the bike.

It’s been months since I’ve ridden this thing and it was there waiting for me, nestled quietly in the corner of the garage. It still looks menacing.

1000cc sports bikes aren’t to be trifled with. You must show a level of respect and constraint. Serious trouble is only 2 mm of right throttle twist away.

On the drive over, I’d taken the backroads to have a proper blast in the car. I always think I want a newer model. Faster. Sharper. Able to cover ground at more pace. I’ve been watching the latest reviews for the frankly jaw dropping Cayman GT4RS. But, whilst mine is an older sports car, it can still go faster than is sensible.

The drive re-enforced the joy of fast progress in a car that’s more analogue than digital. Pleasure in extracting maximum performance within relatively safe limits. Precise and granular feedback from all contact points. New stuff is faster, but speed and joy are not necessarily as directly connected as you may think.

So, the car's fast enough I concluded. Then I got on the bike.

Dear lord.

You forget what proper fast is. 170 horsepower and under 200kg in weight. Just stick it in 6th gear and dial in whatever speed you want. I took it out on Sunday for a longer ride. Took it steady everywhere. Concluded that actually, whilst powerful, it was containable. Not that bad really. I’d been using ¼ of the available rev range and frankly, it’s all you need. My last leg of the journey included one long run up a slip road onto the motorway. I opened it up and probably went to about ¾ available revs. It’s not often you feel genuine fear, but strapped to a litre sports bike as it starts to shout is almost indescribable. Back-to-the-future fast. A proper Will Smith slap in the face.

Conclusion. No point in getting a faster car or bike. If you have so much power as to be almost un-exploitable, then you’ve got too much power.

Hang on…. Scrap that… you can never have too much. I’ve put a text in to Eric to say we need a faster bike.

And so, to this week in the workshop.

An old friend comes back to CCM. So nice, Ingrid volunteered to do some of the road-testing. Gotta love a bit of British Racing Green on a Lotus

Sorry. Absolutely no idea what this is. Appears to be a small rust farm. Is it off the bottom of a boat?

Hang on, is this one of those but without the tin-worm? Could be. The boat will be all the much better when this is fitted.....

Surely everyone at one point or other has thought 'yeah, I quite fancy an old Landie'... and why not? When car designers just used rulers. All the rear lights on view look like they've been added aftermarket by their owners. Rivet 'em on. That'll do. Nope.... came like that from the factory. Toyota engineers would be weeping

When I was a teenager I had a stick like that to change the channel on the telly in my bedroom. Kid's these days with all that remote controllery.... they don't know they're born, they really don't

Now there is a level of financial bravery required to run one of these. A punchy, but hugely admirable purchase. Chapeau

This is a pic from the CCM official health and safety manual. There are 7 deliberate infringements in this shot (excluding the 'wet-finger-in-the-fuse-box-to-check-for-live'). The safety jacket is actually being kept in place by static alone

Engine out. Easy

Of course it's going to brake if you hit it with a hammer. Duncan loses what looked like an obvious bet. He acted surprised afterward as well...

Eric's smiling because Ingrid has given him back the modern remote control. Complain about the speed of tea delivery again and you'll be getting the stick back

That about wraps things for this week. Best wishes to the gaffer for a speedy recovery following back surgery. As you can see, things are running smoothly without you.

From all at CCM towers, go out and enjoy your machines, whatever flavour they are.

Olli