Classic car mechanic – Warning

‘In the corner of the workshop, Olli Ragbin sits watching events unfold before him’

I’ve not been around this week very much, so my catch up on all things Classic Car Mechanic was limited to a brief phone call with the gaffer.

I was expecting a significant download of information along with supporting photos so I could keep our customers fingers on the pulse of the workshop.

‘I’m just trying to think, nothing out of the ordinary this week’ said Eric, before adding ‘oh, we’ve bought a new kettle’.

I wasn’t disappointed in a ‘Greta Thunberg vs Glasgow climate summit’ sort of way, but I was kinda hoping for more. Maybe a tale of 2 from the techs. Maybe someone made a tiny error which we could all leap on and make much fuss about. Maybe a moment of weakness and a ridiculous purchase of ‘that thing I’d always promised myself’. Perhaps Ingrid had finally rumbled one of Eric’s ruses and was now deploying the cold shoulder and the Paddington stare. Maybe Siobhan had ‘out-knowledged’ Dr Ray on the parts ordering front and the Dr was sulking and not talking to anyone. Or might Young Chris have welded Shrimp Eye Justin’s favourite sandwich tin to the workshop bench.

But no. A new kettle it is.

To add insult to injury, I didn’t even get a photo of the kettle.

Considering that this was the highlight of the working week, you’d have thought everyone would have been queuing up to get a selfie with the new water heater.

‘It’s quite a big kettle’ said Eric, sensing that he was perhaps underselling what on the face of it could look like a fairly minor development in the life of Classic Car Mechanic.

‘er…good’ I said trying to think of something meaningful to add to the discussion.

(If this is the kettle he’s bought, then I’ll feel a little daft for poo-pooing the whole thing).

I scanned the 8 photos Eric sent over for signs of the new kettle.

This picture makes my blood run cold. My absolute nightmare would be standing in front of this little lot whilst being handed a screwdriver accompanied by the words ‘could you just finish this off please’.

Luckily this sort of nonsense is well within the comfort zone of CCM tech-ery. A TR6 and a heat exchanger being changed is what this jumble of stuff means.

‘Are you fitting it with a kettle?’ I asked.

‘Not that sort of heat exchanger’ Eric said with. A weary sigh.

Whenever I leave a room I have to switch the light on and off 3 times and then mutter ‘that’ll do’ as I walk out.

Whenever Dr Ray takes something off a car that is still serviceable, he has to paint it 3 times before putting it back on. (He also mutters ‘that’ll do’ when done.)

Another one…. Good lord, the stuff nightmares are made of. This time it’s a heater motor being replaced.

‘Are you replacing it with a kettle?’

Silence on the other end of the phone. I sensed eyes shutting and head slowly shaking.

Now this pic caused me some significant concern. Eric sent it with the caption ‘spot the error’.

I’m sure the techs will be rolling around at me not spotting whatever it is that is not quiete right, but I can’t see it.

It’ll end up being something ridiculous. Some ‘in-joke’ that only those with a detailed and encyclopaedic knowledge of all cars built from 1953 to 1975 would get.

‘It’s a 1962 MkII but it’s got the later 1mm bigger securing bold from a 1963 MkIII’….. (followed by much gaffawing from the assembled tech wizards)

I continued to study the picture.

Then I saw it…. Nestling quietly in-frame, the new kettle in all it’s glory. Along with Alfie about to put semi-skimmed in Eric’s Darjeeling. Schoolboy error of epic proportions.

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch me out, I can tell ya….

And so we draw a line under last week and hope to god something of interest (preferably car related) happens this week.

Until then, from Siobhan, Dr Ray, Shrimp-eye Justin, Young Chris, Izzi, Ingrid, Alfie and Eric, see you next week

Olli

Ps. White, no sugar… (I’m sweet enough)